I realize now that when we first brought our children home I had an undefined but deeply felt and well-meant desire. However, I have also realized that my desire was not exactly what God had in mind. Let me explain. I wanted our adopted children be so loved, so secure, so encompassed in the life and culture ofour family and our story, that they would come to a point where they never felt different or separate from us. I didn't want them to feel like they didn't fit in or that they were somehow "other." I wanted the sadness and torment of their story to be absorbed in the love of our story. I wanted the pain of their pasts to be erased by the power of healing love.
But trying to lose the one story in the beauty of the other creates an invisible barrier that works to separate, which is the complete opposite of what I desired!
This article on loving your spouse and strengthening your marriage when you have nothing left to give is helpful for both adoptive/foster parents and non-adoptive parents.
